If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We got so high we made milksteak
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
