Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize