I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
