I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize