apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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