we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
