I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
