zippers are such a cool invention
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
