I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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