Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
