He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
