you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
