i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
