They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
