His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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