I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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