Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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