i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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