I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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