I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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