my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
