If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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