This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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