so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
