No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
