My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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