She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
