Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
