I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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