I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
