When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
