just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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