i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
where am i from again
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
