i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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