I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
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Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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