She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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