but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
