I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize