sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
