Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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