By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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