My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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