I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
