The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
