All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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