Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
