I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
