She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
