There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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