I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
