I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
