I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he shaved USA in his pubs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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