i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
