Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
