dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
