I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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