I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
