I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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