I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if only i could text you this smell
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
