Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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