I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
