3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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