Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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