he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
These tits shall not be calmed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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