jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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