he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
