please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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