3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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