I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
