Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
