i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
