I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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