youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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