New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
