When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
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saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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