I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
