Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
